The Ballad of Gonzo Gonzales Abu

The Ballad of Gonzo Gonzales Abu
(to the tune of "Abdul Abulbul Amir")

The thugs of our President seldom are hesitant
At doing things not straight and true,
But the dirtiest imp to do dirt for the Chimp,
Was Gonzo Gonzales (Abu).

If he wanted a man to dismantle the the ban
On internment without process due
In some old parchment rag, he would summon his AG:
"Get me Gonzo Gonzales Abu!"

'Way back when ol' Dub was called Governor Shrub
With a drunk driving record or two,
His old DUI rap disappeared in a snap,
By the hand of Gonzales Abu.

As Gov'nor, you know, Dub was fond of Death Row
And was known for the hundreds he slew.
What slipshod attorney sped them to the gurney?
Why, Gonzo Gonzales Abu!

In the White House, who served with vim & with verve
And wrote in a memo or two
The Geneva Convention's a "quaint" old invention?
This same Gonzo Gonzales Abu!

When MP's took pics of their Abu Ghraib tricks
And butt-pyramids burst on our view,
Who merits the name of their undying fame?
All Hail Gonzo Gonzales Abu!

Who thinks "rule of law" has a terrible flaw,
In applying to both him and you?
Who finds it abhorrent to spy with a warrant?
Why, Gonzo Gonzales Abu!

Who bolsters each hour Executive Power
Till the government's all pulled askew?
Who think "separate branches" are just Bush's ranches?
You guessed; it's Gonzales Abu.

He's a thug, and a hood. He makes Ashcroft look good,
A fixer of John Mitchell hue.
He can outdo Ed Meese in the matter of sleaze,
He's our Gonzo Gonzales Abu!

Who finally told the lie big and bold
That tells us his time's about through?
The firing of eight that we call Gonzo-gate
Will bring down old Gonzo Abu.

"Mistakes" were sure made, but, my dears, I'm afraid
That Gonzo will follow Agnew,
Who was forced to resign, not for erors, but crime,
So farewell to Gonzales Abu.

Baseball...

George W. Bush is Dumb.

The other day an astute Republican, a campaign operative of Mitt Romney, penned a memo containing the following gem:

'Like every Republican in the race, Romney faces the delicate task of how to talk about President Bush, whom the country gives low job-approval ratings . But the plan lists two ways Romney can set himself apart from Bush. The first says, simply, 'Intelligence.'"

Which kick-started the Halliburton muse:

George W. Bush is Dumb.

Beat the drum, for Bush is dumb!
His dumbness makes us wonder.
As dumb as any stumblebum
Who goes from gaffe to blunder.

He's stupid. He's a dimwit.
He's dumber than an ox.
A dolt. A fool. A dunce. A twit.
Dumb as a box of rocks.

An imbecile. A dunderhead.
A moron. And a goose.
The man is thick. He is brain-dead.
He's dull, dim, dense, obtuse.

The Bush IQ, we see, is poor.
Moreover, he lacks knowledge.
He knows so very little, for
A man who went to college.

He's ignorant. He's not well-read.
He has no information.
No store of learning his head.
No food for cogitation.

And then, the smidgen that he knows
Is largely incorrect.
He garbles simple English prose.
His history's mostly dreck.

He thinks that austere Washington,
Who favored isolation,
Would say "War with Iraq? Well done!
What time's the next invasion?"

He thinks that Lincoln, who condemned
The war with Mexico
Would be the firmest sort of friend
To war for Texaco.

He thinks that in the Pantheon
Of History's Elect
The Name of Dubya will shine on,
With laurels all bedecked.

He's wrong. He errs. He's off the mark.
Devoid of truth and fact.
He's out to lunch. He's in the dark.
He's faulty. Inexact.

As are those lights who chose this goon,
This clown, this ignoramus,
This knothead, simpleton, buffoon,
For whom all nations blame us.

Oliver Wendell Halliburton