A Rolling Clusterballad of Rumdum's Quagmire

We'll go in "lean and mean," ya see?
We won't need too many troops,
And there won't be a goddam insurgency,
Just garlands of flowers in the - oops.

It's only a few of Saddam’s old pals
"Dead enders" who just won’t quit;
They’ve blown up a few of our guys and gals
But soon they will all be—--oh, shit.

Well, we were still right to start this war!
And pretty soon now we will find
All those WMDs we were looking for
…There are none? You mean NONE?...Never mind.

The insurgency’s finally passed its peak
As I just heard from General Myers,
He knows, ‘cause I told him so last week;
Are you saying we BOTH are liars?

The soldiers need armor? more benefits?
They need higher combat pay?
They're at war, goddamit! This isn’t the Ritz!
Uh, waiter, I’ll have the filet.

We’ve been here almost two years now,
Our troops? Hell, no, they’re not tired!
Our allies aren’t either! …At least, not. . .Palau,
And I STILL haven’t been fired.

I think that proves I’m doing just fine!
That this clusterfu--war soon will BE won,
That a “quagmire” is only a state of mind,
And you must have a mind to see one.